Thanksgiving day and I think it’s time to change the subject…. Well not entirely but today I’m putting aside the intensity of the suffering and instead I’m making a list. Here is my list of what I am thankful for:

• I’m thankful for being able to see the hand of God constantly in my life. That’s the beauty of suffering- you would never get to see God move so powerfully without it.
• I’m thankful for what I’ve learned about myself. Although some of the things that have happened has taken a toll on my confidence, seeing myself (with God’s grace) stand up under the suffering and endure has made me realize I’m kind of amazing.
• I’m thankful for family who has stood beside and supported me in many many ways.
• I’m thankful for the generosity of people. When this suffering began for our family and word got out, so many people stepped forward to help us get through–including people I didn’t even know. We had people help with shopping, laundry, cleaning, getting kids’ the places they needed to go, prayers and many many meals among other things.
• I’m thankful for good Christian friends who have prayed and listened and kept me balanced and gave me perspective when I felt like I was going crazy.
• I’m thankful for those basics we take for granted–that I never had to go without or even think much about, like shelter, food, and clothes.  We have more than enough.
• I’m thankful for the communion of saints who have also stood beside me and received many of my prayers: especially Pio, Therese, Anthony, Rita, Joseph and Augustine.
• I’m thankful for how amazing nature is, how God can show himself, speak through it and how it inherently has joy and signs of God imprinted in it.
• I’m thankful for the Catholic Church , her Magisterium and her unwavering faith and morals–the truth that doesn’t change as the culture does.
• I’m thankful for my faith and morals.
• I’m thankful that I’ve lost over 30 pounds since I’ve had the baby and feel good and enjoy clothes shopping for the first time in a while.
• I’m thankful for a large family and all the joy, craziness, chaos and fun that goes with it. Therein lies true joy.
• I’m thankful that I’ve been a stay-at-home mom ever since my first child was born over 12 years ago.
• I’m thankful for miracles.

I’m going to draw a strange analogy because hey, it’s my blog and I can right?

See, I’ve been taking a kickboxing class. And its really, really hard. Usually I get to the point where I can’t keep up; I can’t do everything our instructor asks because I’m just too exhausted!

Last week, we were punching the bag and then hitting the floor in plank position, legs in and out, jumping up hitting the bag, back to the plank, etc., etc., etc. .

After a few times of doing this, I was like done for. It was so hard to get back up from the floor and keep going. But I did. And then I did it again. And again. Yes, I was slower–way slower than when we had started it . . .but I kept getting back up.

Because I’ve often had this vision of myself rising up . . .barely able to stand, barely able to walk. But still collecting all my strength and rising up.

Even  knowing there is still pain to come–and that I will fall again I still get up.

That’s what I thought about while i was doing my kickboxing class. It kept me going.

It keeps me going everyday.

I’ll say it again. There are days where i just have no idea how I will even make it through the day. But I just keep going.

It’s the call of those of us suffering and it’s faith. Because you believe there is  reason to get back up–even if you can’t see it, even if you never see it.

It’s a powerful vision to know that you have the strength–that God gives you the strength to get up when you fall.

To know: Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.