I just thought it would be different. I mean, ok, I thought everything would be different. I mean I spent the last two years just trying to get up off the mat. And not very successfully I might add.

And then you throw in quarantine. And this is supposed to be the answer right? You take away all the practices, games, activities, etc. And now we are supposed to be able to slow down, relax, grow in our faith, bond as a family?

Only it doesn’t work that way for a single mom of 5 kids.

Am I the only one who is failing at this?? Am I the only one who feels just as overwhelmed and stressed as ever?

Cuz you know everyone on Facebook is baking bread and going for hikes and making crafts and I’m just doing what I always am –trying to survive.

And I’ve been a llittle angry to be honest. A little angry at all the posts about taking time to slow down, to reflect, to enter into Lent more deeply. It’s just not like that for me.

So ok, then how do those of us already in survival mode survive this? Here’s the attitudes that are helping me get through:

1. Not being too hard on myself. There’s plenty to do in a day so I have to understand that not everyday is going to be a good one. I accept that I don’t get all the homework done if I want time to do other family things. Or some days we don’t do the family things. Heck, some days, we don’t get out of our pajamas. There’s a lot more, let’s call them opportunities left, so I need to let the bad days slide. And then the next day, I get up, wash up and start again.

2. Judging by the right standards. This is a huge one for me. My anxiety and fears rise exponentially to how much I worry about how others perceive how I’m handling things. Am I doing enough projects, enough schoolwork, enough family time, am I handling the quarantine right, my kids emotional needs right? You know what–I don’t know. But I do know there’s only one standard that matters. And it’s not even mine. Because believe me I can get myself worked up trying to measure up to my own expectations. It’s God’s standards, God’s expectations, that matter. And He isn’t judging my results. He’s loving me through it.

3. Keeping my priorities straight. Just like in my unquarantine life there’s plenty of things I’m supposed to be doing: eating well, feeding my kids well, exercising, losing weight, doing my prayer time and now throw in there schooling and extra cleaning and keeping the kids active…but what truly matters? It helps to prioritize my energy based on what’s the most important to me. For example, the only way a successful day begins is with prayer so putting that at the center of my daily efforts is essential.

4. The only way is through. This is a lesson I learned recently before all this started. The negative feelings-they’re real. Let’s not ignore them. Let’s not deny them . Let’s not sit there and tell ourselves that we’re not supposed to feel that way because we’re Christians and we know better. Bring them up. sit with them-but sit with them with God. And ask him to transform them.

So that’s it. That’s how I’m getting through it. Little by little, day by day. I don’t have the typical experience but I’m making it work.

And who knows. Maybe there will be a little growing after all.

• Have you ever done your morning prayer time at a baseball game?

I have.

Let me tell you, it’s less than ideal.

My prayer book open on my lap during warm up–music blasting, conversations all around me . . .

Do you think I was fully immersed in my prayer? No way. I’m distracted enough at home.

So why was I doing my morning prayer time at the  baseball game?

Well, my excuse is I had to be there early and I didn’t have time to do it at home.

But the truth is–I was too undisciplined to go to bed on time and so I couldn’t get up early enough to do my prayer time before we left for the game. A little planning and a little self-discipline could’ve gone a long way.

But here’s my theory–I didn’t just quit.

I said my morning prayers.

Imperfectly–yes.

But I did something. I took  a less than ideal situation and I did what I could.

Now, in this situation there were things within my control, things I could’ve done better.

But sometimes we can’t. Sometimes our morning prayer time gets derailed by a sick child, a child waking up before they were supposed to,  an unforeseen mess, a friend who needs to talk or some other unseeable circumstance.

Sometimes our life gets derailed.

Or maybe sometimes, we are showing up–we’re doing our adoration, our reading, our prayer time but we just can’t enter into it. Maybe we keep getting distracted or we’re so tired or our heart is heavy with worry or grief and we just don’t feel like we are all there, like we are all present.

Like I tell my kids when they start to mess around during prayer time, “you are talking to the God of the universe right now!” But sometimes it seems lost on us–even if we don’t want it to be.

And so sometimes we just do the less than ideal, and then, then we accept that we are doing what we can. Because we are showing up and putting in whatever we can.

Sometimes that less than ideal is our prayer. 

Because God knows the heart. That’s what I’m sure of. That’s what I keep reminding myself in these moments that feel a bit like failure.

And then I remember. I don’t need to be the one succeeding. Just the one who keeps trying.

 

 

Granted, it’s been a few weeks since school started but with the transition of going back to school and football, etc, it’s taken me a while to adjust. But, back in the middle of August when I was doing my tax-free weekend school shopping for five kids, I got to thinking.

Somewhere between the pencils, binders and uniform clothes, I started to wonder . . .were my kids really equipped to go back to school? Have I given them what they need?

So I pondered what “supplies”  I truly thought they needed–what virtues and attitudes they needed most and with their help came up with a few reminders for them:

Patience

Sometimes they wonder what the point is. Why do they have to learn these things, Why does it matter? What in the world does this have to do with the rest of their lives and their future? I remind them that the subjects are not the only thing they are learning. Many of these experiences are helping to form them. And, being a student is what God has called them to for now. So they need to be the best student they can, and learn to be patient with where they are in life.

Perseverance

School gets tough. Days get long. Subjects get hard. Friends can be mean. Some days we don’t feel our best. Still, we get up every day and move ahead. Maybe every day isn’t fun. Maybe we are not where we want to be. We persevere through until we get to those bright days.

PPI or Presumed Positive Intention

Without fail, every time there’s been a very troublesome kid in my kids’ class, he had a difficult family situation. I use this example again and again to remind my kids that there is always something more to a kid’s behavior or to the things a person might do that hurt, offend or just annoy us. Sometimes, we just attribute the wrong motivation to someone’s words or actions. We can assume that they had the worst possible intention but I try to remind my kids to do just the opposite. Assume they had the best possible intention. Look beyond just the action and assume the best, not the worst.

Kindness

Be kind to everyone. You don’t have to be everyone’s friend but be kind. Don’t gang up; don’t make fun. Sometimes kids get their feelings hurt, even when other kids think they are doing it all in good-natured fun. Be aware of that. Befriend the new kid and the weird kid.

Self reflection

Just like when we are dealing with our brothers and sisters, remember, you’re not blameless. Maybe, they started it, but your job is to examine yourself for your part in the incident. Same at school. Did a teacher yell at you unjustly? Were your friends being unfair? See if you can identify anything at all that you could’ve done different to help the situation. Furthermore, what can  you do to diffuse a situation instead of making it worse?

So that’s what I supplied my kids with. Pens, pencils, glue sticks, white dress socks and some important reminders.  Does it stick? Who knows.  But hopefully when they encounter those difficult situations and difficult days, it will give them a boost!

Holy Spirit, give us the gifts to practice these virtues!

It’s true–and I think I’ve pretty well put it out there–I’m not the most organized person.

You know, I implement a lot of ideas and don’t keep them up or the kids complain.

They complain through trying to say the Rosary everyday (or even just a decket). They’ll complain through trying to read the Bible everyday. Or they’ll complain through trying to read another spiritual book everyday. Whatever spiritual goals I try to implement, somebody is going to complain.

I’d like to believe that something is getting through anyways, but I confess, some days I get discouraged. Still, there are spiritual words of wisdom and aids I’d like to pass on to my kids. Things I notice in the way the act or treat each other that I’d like to address. Things I read that I think would be good for one or more of them to hear.

So here is my new plan to provide some variety, keep things casual, hopefully cut down on complaining and hopefully still help them learn about the Lord and the toolbox of our faith (a subject for another post)–I’m calling it:

8:30 Chats

At 8:30 (or a little later depending on our schedule), we sit down and after the shushing and the yelling, we do something to help our spiritual lives. For example:

• We read a quote from a book and discuss it.
• We read a chapter of a spiritual book (Right now, Matthew Kelly’s Perfectly Yourself).
• We pray the Rosary.
• We pick a spiritual topic and discuss it.

Then we finish with bedtime prayers all together.

So for instance, in this past couple weeks:

• We prayed the Rosary in it’s entirety offering it up for a dear family we know with a very sick child.
• We read excerpts from the book, The Power of Silence by Robert Cardinal Sarah about the meaning and purpose of pauses and periods of silence in Mass. We then discussed what we were supposed to do during periods of silence and how to turn our hearts and mind back to Jesus when we get distracted at Mass.
• We watched a movie about St. Peter on EWTN.
• We read the first chapters of  Matthew  . . .and will continue to read through the New Testament.
• We watched the part in Jesus of Nazareth where John the Baptist baptizes Jesus in honor of John’s birthday.
• We read excerpts from the book Taming Your Tongue about being divisive and being argumentative and talked about why mom might have chosen this subject and how we can do better.

Now, keep in mind like many of you I have a variety of age groups and it’s quite possible that my five year old isn’t learning anything except (maybe) how to be quiet while we’re talking. Still, I’m hoping to make this a lasting habit even after summer ends. I just want to know that maybe, once in a while, I’m doing something for their spiritual good, that when I go to bed at night and I’m doing my examination of conscience that my kids’ spiritual lives was not something that was neglected or pushed to the back burner.

I’m not saying theyr’e not complaining at all, but my feeling so far is that it’s been good for us. I’ll check back in with you in a few months and let you know how it’s going!

Do you go to Adoration?

I find going to Adoration is like a spiritual life line for me–without which I am often drowning. Sometimes, when I’m there, I feel like God has a message to impress on my heart. And so it was a couple months ago and the message was this:

Prepare for battle.

Now of course, I’m not talking about physical battle but rather spiritual battle.  And I felt the Lord telling me to get my family ready for battle.

So like a good soldier, I got my instructions and did my best to implement them. Here’s what I did:

The Picture

Quite a while ago, my family and I attended a healing service at our parish. The priest leading it told a story about how his family had a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and everyday his parents would touch their heads to it and say, “Jesus, take over my life.” He has two other siblings in religious life and the other has a thriving marriage with several children.  So it seems to have had an impact. I’ve been meaning to implement this for a while and it seemed like the right time. Now all of my kids and I touch this picture daily and say those words.

 

Consecration

I took my family through a Marian Consecration using Father Michael Gaitley’s 33 Days to Morning Glory. For 33 days we gathered around every night and read that day’s lesson (usually about a couple pages).We would then have a brief discussion of it. At the end of the 33 days, on the feast day of St. Catherine of Sienna, I asked our priest to bless 7 Marian medals, gave one to each member of my family and we stood around a Mary statue in our church and prayed the consecration prayer together.

 

Examination of Conscience

One thing I am dead convinced of is that being self-reflective is the only way you will ever grow as a Christian and as a human being. I figure my kids will not be perfect when they leave the house, but if I’ve taught them to be self-reflective, then they always have the tools to keep walking their path to sainthood. To this end, I reminded them about the importance of an examination of conscience before they go to bed.  To keep it simple, I ask them to think of one thing they did wrong that day, think how they could’ve handled it better and then tell God they’re sorry. Then, think of one thing they did well that day so they are not just focusing on the negative.

 

The 8:30 Chat

At about 8:30 every night (or later if baseball dictates), we gather together for a spiritual chat or spiritual reading. Yes, much like the consecration, half the time is spent shushing them and yelling at them to hold still and listen but I have faith that maybe a little is getting through.

I’ll go into detail about the 8:30 chat in a future blog.

 

The Heavy Hitters

Of course, any time you are preparing for spiritual battle, it’s time to parade out the classics:  every day prayer time, frequent adoration, frequent confession and the Rosary. We’ve been trying to get these into the mix as well. Inf fact, during the summer, my kids have a list of morning chores which include a devotion time of their choosing.

Indeed, spiritual battle is happening in my family. We are walking a path of struggle and suffering right now. But,  I think, I pray, these tools help us to walk the path to holiness. That as battle rages, we have the weapons to fight–and to emerge on the other side. Strong.

What happened to me?

The last thing I posted was about the beginning of football season–a whopping 9 months ago.

It’s even more ironic when I tell you the whole story.

How I said in that post my biggest fear was the busyness and the dropped balls.

Boy, was I wrong.

Because on October 14, as I got my boys ready for the first week of play-offs, my worst fear was spending the evening with two miserable, grumpy boys whose games and thereby whose seasons, hadn’t turned out the way they wanted.

So I said this to them:

Now remember boys, whatever happens today is God’s will.

I wouldn’t remember having said that when it all shook out but my younger son reminded me later.

You see my older son was indeed losing. And it was the 4th down with the clock running out and we had one more chance to try and score. So the coach told my son, the quarterback, to keep it and just run.

But when the play cleared there was no first down.

And my son was lying on his back on the field.

With a broken leg.

Now maybe sometime, I’ll tell you the whole story if  you’re interested. About my slow reaction because I was in disbelief.  About running out on the field and being told to be calm before I could see him. About the coach who stayed by his side.  About my son’s pain and worry about his sports career. About my worry and wonder about his sports career.

But that’s not the point of this. The point is where I’ve been.

After that, life got hard. His tibia and fibula were broken clean through and his cast was up to his thigh and he was in tremendous pain.  And I had to give him constant care and had 4 other kids who began to feel neglected and act like it.

I was cracking under it all.

And then something else happened.

Tragedy struck our school community. I won’t go in to details but let’s just say the death of a child puts a broken leg into a bit of perspective.

And then, some family stuff following that and I got lost just trying to survive it all.

So in a nutshell, that is where I’ve been. Huddled with the Lord in survival mode watching bombs drop around me and trying to find the path that’s been blown to pieces.

But here I am. Ready to walk forward and ready to write again.

You see,I view my days as a path. At the end of the path,  is my goal of reaching God the Father.

And every day, I walk the path. Some days I get far. Some days I only walk a few steps. The worst days, weeks are the ones where I’m swerving back and forth off the path. That’s when I lose my focus on the Lord and my thinking gets distorted.

And my saint friends are there too. Helping me walk the path and keeping me straight and comforting me when I fall or when I find that end of the day I am dusty, dirty, bruised and beaten up.

Jesus, Mother Mary and Father Stanley Rother walk with me.

So, yes, I’m back.

And ready to walk with you once again and tell you about my walk with the saints.

How did this happen?

How did it turn into football season already?

If you know me, you know I always get a little nervous for football season. No, I don’t mean nervous about my boys getting injured or anything like that. Not even about the overbearing parents or youth sport politics. I get nervous about the schedule.

Football is consuming and intense and I worry about myself getting tired and  overwhelmed and burnt out . . .

But sitting there, the first day of football season, I realized, if we choose to do this, then it’s going to be what it is and that’s okay. I don’t need to worry–I just need to accept this season.

This football season I will:

• Be tired some nights as I’m running my boys back and forth.
• Have to decide everyday what’s for dinner and when to eat dinner.
• Mistime dinner and end up eating it later than intended.
• Not be able to do other things because I have to get the boys to and from practices.
• Have to coordinate rides for kids because the boys have games that overlap and my other kids have other activities.
• Not coordinate rides until the last minute.
• Feel awkward asking people for rides.
• Feel like I’m the only one who is always doing things last minute.
• Feel a little burnt out at the end of some nights and snap at the kids.
• Feel like there should be 2 or 3 people doing my job instead of just one.

That will all happen.

Knowing and accepting that now, makes me realize that maybe I can handle it after all.

I’ve just gotten to the point where I realize, that messing up is part of the game. And you just dust yourself off and get up and start again. No hard feelings.

I’ve done all this before.

 

Not always graceful or well but in the end, we always figure it out.

And sometimes I even enjoy parts of it.

 

So here’s my tribute to football season!

Let’s go!!

What is it about going to church, that makes me want my family to look perfect?

Why is it that that is where I notice, the other families who seem so nicely put together.

Unlike mine.

Have you ever seen them? These nice big families where the children are all sitting quietly, the girls all have their hair done, their all dressed nicely . . .and I’m sitting there thinking why can’t I do that?? Now, I’ve gotten to know enough of these moms to tell you that they actually are human too. But I’m still working on not comparing.

And so it was, a few Sundays ago, I was herding all of my dear children into church–late of course–hoping for a nice, quiet, well-behaved, inconspicious entrance when, well . . .the comedy began to unfold.

My husband stepped out for a moment to take a phone call and I couldn’t find a pew empty enough to accommodate all 7 of us so I figured half of us could sit in one pew and half of us could sit in the pew behind. Sounds simple enough. So I march my little ones, myself and my daughter into a pew and motion for my boys to sit in the pew behind me.

But they won’t budge. So I’m gesturing away. And their gesturing back and I’m gesturing bigger and . . .

then the people behind us brought to my attention that the people next to us had actually moved so there was room for all now.

Yes, Mass was going on the whole time.

So now with everyone settled, I’m sitting there, trying to throw myself back into the Mass but feeling like everyone around me must be looking at me, judging me.

You know how when the kids are little and they’re doing things like running out into the aisles and making noise and you feel like you’re running a three-ring circus right in church? That day, I realized there was more than one way to run a circus.

Or how about the time a couple months ago, when we were heading to the early Mass and it was time to go and my 4 year old could’t find his shoes? So I said just get in the car and so we get to church and  I’m looking down at his feet  and his socks don’t even match, now completely exposed since he’s actually wearing no shoes.

Sometimes Mass feels more like a comedy of errors than a prayer.

But the truth is, the only thing that’s hurt in these situations is my pride. And yes, the kids can be quite distracting in Mass but so can my own pride, my fear of being judged and me looking around judging others.

You know, we women love to compare.

But that’s not why we come to Mass. Not to judge, not to be judged. Not to have our ego fed.

We come to be in the presence of the God of the universe and to have our souls fed and our will strengthened to continue to do this crazy parenting thing.

The kids are distracting enough . . .let’s try not to distract ourselves with things we don’t really need to worry about.

Personally, I think God smiles at mismatch socks.

I know what you’re thinking…

It’s summer–why haven’t I posted my list of my goals for this summer? I mean, I always a list of goals for every season, right? Lent, Advent, summer, new year’s, starting the school year…

But not this time.

This time, and for this summer, I’m taking a different approach.

Because for the last two summers, I’ve been blind-sided by how busy we were and how fast it all went. At the beginning, I had these visions of slow moving days, time to read, time to play, time to get projects done….

And by the end, I’m left wondering what the heck happened. Those summers are past. Summers are now filled with baseball games, driving kids to retreats, and work crew, and VBS, and other volunteer opportunities, and sports camps and then football practice…

And all sorts of odds and ends in between.

I have a schedule for my kids on their days off that include morning prayers, working out, chores and then spiritual reading later in the day, but these past two summers, we have had very, very few days when anyone could possibly do that.

So it was that this year, I just wasn’t inspired to plan any lofty goals. Even vacation plans or family excursions seemed kind of sparse.

And I felt kind of bad about that. What exactly would my kids remember from this summer? What would they say they did over the summer when they went back to school?

So my first trip in the beginning/middle of June to take my son to Indiana for his retreat, I drop him off and stop in the chapel to pray.  I expressed my concerns to God about the summer.

And I heard: let it be what it is.

Let it be simple. Let it be boring even. Just let it be.

And so just recently, baseball is winding down. I came back from dropping my daughter off in Cincinnati for her mission trip/retreat. And I find myself at home with a day with nothing to do.

I need to do dishes and laundry and but should we go to the zoo, or the park or….

And then I decided we don’t need to go anywhere.

I decided we would just have a lazy day at home. I decided we didn’t need to fill every spare day with activity.  Because we go, and go and go . . .and  just maybe for once even the kids would like to not have to do anything or go anywhere. Maybe not. But either way, I decided, they don’t need to be constantly entertained and fulfilled all summer long. And maybe we needed a few more days to just do chores and play in the yard and do our reading and to just let that be enough for a day.

So, yeh, there are a few plans for the summer. We went camping, we’ll be visiting family in New York and taking a weekend trip to Lake Erie. Maybe we’ll go to the zoo. Nothing amazing.

And you know, I’m kind of happy about that.

I think for once I’ll let it be.