It’s getting a little better now, but there were days when I would count down every hour because my only goal was to just survive the day.
There were moments when the grief was so paralyzing that I just didn’t even know how to get through it.
But God shows up and moves us through those days, those moments.
I am of the very firm opinion that God always gives us only what we can handle, but its always more than we think we can.
And so we see our total dependence on God . . . because we have to trust Him that He knows what we can handle, that He will see us through, that everything happens for a reason and that He works for the good of those who love Him. . . even when it really doesn’t look like it–or feel like it.
Because what we learn when we suffer is that we don’t have a choice. We find ourselves in the midst of suffering, and it’s nice to have someone to cry out to and to know that when our lives feel totally out of control–when we feel that we don’t have the control over what is happening in our lives–someone does. We don’t like being helpless or out of control. But the truth is we can’t control everything. That’s a lesson we have to learn the hard way-through our suffering. That’s what gives us the courage and the strength to admit we are totally dependent on God.
Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song when his daughter died that expresses what I am trying to say:
This is not how it will be
When we finally will see.
We’ll see with our own eyes
He was always in control.
And we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we’re waiting for that day.
This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey.
But this is where we are.
And our God is in control.
Though this first taste is bitter,
There will be sweetness forever.
When we finally taste and see
That our God is in control.
We’re waiting for that day.
We’ll keep on waiting for that day.
And we will rise.
Our God is in control.